Giving Your Children Coal For Christmas

The holidays should be the best time of year for children, no matter what.  Especially when they have two parents who love them passionately.  But love isn't always enough.  For children whose parents are divorced or separatd, the best gift they can give their children isn't presents, it is setting aside self-interest.  It is taking their children out of the middle of their personal animosity.  But too many parents can't seem to do that. Keep in mind I am not talking about a parent who poses a genuine threat to a child .  I'm talking about parents who use their kids to keep the battle with the other parent going at all costs.  They give their kids coal for,Christmas every year.  Here's what I see far too often:

(1) Parents who refuse to allow their children to see or speak to the other parent;

(2) Parents who gleefully allow other family members to disparage the other parent in the child's hearing at family gatherings;

(3) Parents who throw away the gifts sent by the other parent;

(4) Parents who have competitions for who can give the better gift;

(5) Parents who try to shield their children from difficulty (at the holidays and throughout the year) instead of teaching them that difficulty is a fact of life, and show them how to deal with it;

(6) Parents who give their  children every single gift on lists that grow longer (and more expensive) each year instead of adhering to the rule: one thing they want, one thing they need, one thing to wear and one thing to read);

The list goes on . . . and on.  Don't do this to your child.  Give them the best gift:  peace.

Gratitude

Top Ten Reasons I'm Grateful in 2015

1. For some amazing clients - every single one of you. Even the difficult experiences have taught me so much. Thank you.
2. For my colleagues - ditto!
3. For finally launching out on the opportunity to achieve my career dream - to be a small-town lawyer like Atticus Finch.  I get to live in the picture I've featured.
4. For enough.
5. For the chance to be of service.
6. To be around people again on a day-to-day basis --- no more of that home-office isolation for me!
7. To be able to go to court every day and say hello without anyone thinking it's weird.
8. For the opportunity to start learning to value the ordinary and give up on the impossibility of being perfect.
9. To embrace learning to be a wholehearted person, who also happens to be a lawyer.
10. Most of all - to be near my family when it counts.

Happy Thanksgiving to all!

So Long, Farewell, Adieu!

As of October 31, 2015, Maryland Family Law Firm, L.L.C. will cease operations as an entity.

After that date, neither this website nor the url, "www.marylandfamilylawfirm.com" will be identified with Ms. Bowie or her practice.

In early November, Ms. Bowie will be relocating from Maryland to East Tennessee where  she will primarily practice Tennessee law.   However, Ms. Bowie will continue to accept select Maryland cases as a sole practitioner, independently of Maryland Family Law Firm, L.L.C.  That entity will be formally dissolved within a few weeks.  Ms. Bowie's Maryland cases will be conducted by working with local counsel in Frederick, Howard, Prince George's and Montgomery Counties.   The upcoming website will feature practice information for both states.

Look for information regarding Ms. Bowie's new website should be fully operational in the very near future as www.justbowielawpc.com.

Look for it!

Question: How long does it take to get a divorce in Maryland?

Answer:

It depends.  However, few civil cases in Maryland circuit courts (at least in the family courts) conclude quickly.  This is also generally true in other jurisdictions, although a lot depends on whether the state has true no-fault divorce or not.

A large percentage of cases filed by litigants without a lawyer take longer.  It's a fact.  When you don't understand the language or the litigation process, you stand a good chance of losing some or all of  a contested case.  And you probably won't even know it has happened.

On the other hand, if you have hired a costly attorney from a large firm, you may find the process takes about as long as it does if you tried to do it on your own.  Why?  Because quality is not usually measured by cost and because when you cost more, you have an incentive to charge more.  For example, when you spend hours sending letters and emails back and forth (like I used to do a lot when I had less experience) you end up charging too much, almost every time.  Especially when your hourly rate 

Maryland has an internal procedural requirement that family cases are supposed to finish within one year from the date they are filed.  Having a standard like this has been helpful in some counties, where divorce and custody cases could drag on for years.  But it has a downside too.  There really are some cases that can't and shouldn't be forced into the box of the one-year requirement.  

The bottom line really is this:  the more you work on settling your case out of court, by agreement, the faster your case will usually take from start to finish!

Question: When Can I Count on a Promise?

Answer:

In this context, I wanted to talk about agreements.  Specifically when families are about to become involved in or are actually in the middle of, divorce or custody litigation.

I don't know how many times I've had clients come to me saying, "Oh, this will be easy!  We've agreed on everything."  Famous last words, I always say.

Especially if they've been given what I like to say is a "wish list," by the other party and the other party has a lawyer.

First of all, if the opposing party has given you a long, long document that seems to cover everything, do not assume that you understand a word of it.  What you will do is look at the headings, read the first few sentences, or even most of the paragraphs --- on the issues most important to you.  But understanding a contract is as much about what is not there as about what is.  It is also about how the different sections apply to you today and in the future.  I never waste a client's money spending hours drafting my client's wishes into what looks like a contract when I know: (a) neither I nor the other side has all the necessary information to construct the contract; and (b) the other side will have their own ideas about what should or shouldn't be in there, and I'll almost certainly have to spend hours more revising, or even re-drafting.  I send a term letter making sure everything my client wants on the essential issues is there and that my client approves it before it goes out.

The other problem I've run into is the client who has an oral understanding (or thinks they do) with the other side.  Sometimes, they even have an unsigned document . . . for example, their wish list from a previous lawyer, or one of many wish lists given to them by the other side.  Make no mistake:  a contract must be fully executed in order to be valid.

You probably don't understand what "fully executed," means (even if you think you do), so call me today to get my help to understand whether or not you can count on what you think is a promise.

Question: Should I Try Mediation Before Going To Court?

Answer:

It depends. It depends a lot on expectations.  What do you expect it to accomplish for you?  It also depends on how it's done.  I am a firm believer in lawyer-assisted mediation.  A former boss put it this way:  in mediation, the agreement is the mediator's client.  When that is the case, the mediator won't tell either you or the other side what are your obligations or your rights.  He or she won't give you the range of legal options or possibilities; won't set out the pros and cons of different choices; won't explain where the landmines may be hiding.  Those things are the job of your lawyer, and that of the other side.  If you find a lawyer who never talks about mediation but wants to head straight for the courtroom, watch out.  You are about to lose a ton of money and probably get a less-than-ideal result.  On the other hand, if your lawyer wants to sit down at the table to negotiate before there is enough factual information for both you and the other side to make informed choices, beware of that too.

More often than not mediation is helpful in some way, at some point in your divorce or custody case.  But here is what it is not:

• It is not a way to force mean people to be kind to one another;
• It is not a solution for all divorce or custody cases - the fact is, some people won't listen to any kind of reason and the only way they know how to "negotiate" is by bullying the other side into doing what they want you to do. People like that need the court and a judge to tell them what to do or they won't do it. In fact, even then, they may not do it;
• It is not a substitute for the careful drafting of a valid, enforceable, written legal agreement, most often known as a Marital Settlement (or Parenting) Agreement;
• It is not a substitute for private consultation with an attorney acting as your advocate to help you to be fully informed of your options and choices in your divorce or custody case.

If you are interested in a consultation to find out if we can help you with either full-service or limited scope representation, call us or send us an email today.  Or visit our website at: www.marylandfamilylawfirm.com.

Question: If I Leave the Marital Home Can My Spouse Get a Divorce For Desertion

Answer:

One thing most people are confused about is the difference between claiming something is true, and proving something is true.

Anybody can say anything they want in legal papers, and in Maryland, as long as they state what they claim to be the facts supporting their claim, the court will accept their papers.  But that is just the beginning.

To actually get a divorce you have to prove that the facts you said were true, are true.

So what makes up a claim for desertion in Maryland?

Well, there are two parts:

A.  The ending of cohabitation; and
B.  The person who left must have actually intended to abandon the marriage.

Typically, if the spouse who leaves continues to contribute to the support of the home and family, it is harder for the person who stays in the home to succeed in a claim of abandonment or desertion.  Also, there are a number of ways to defend yourself against such a claim.

At trial, if you can prove those exceptions apply to you, your spouse may not succeed at getting much traction out of his or her claim of desertion.  Better still, you may be able to reach a comprehensive marital settlement agreement long before you go to trial and the whole thing will end up being irrelevant!

Either way, you need strong and capable legal counsel to advise you about what would be best in your situation.

Contact us today by phone, email or on the inquiry form at our website:  www.marylandfamilylawfirm.com.