Number 1 Mistake - Doing Nothing.
Your spouse has admitted to having an affair but he/she promises never to do it again. Go to marriage counseling, but don't stop there. Exercise some prudence and start planning. Contact a lawyer and get immediate advice on whether and how to document the affair.
Your spouse has moved out and tells you he/she needs space. There are no deadlines, no promises, just the vague hope that it might work out in the future. Go to marriage counseling if you need to, but don't stop there. Contact a lawyer right away to find out what you need to know about household finances and other issues that won't wait for your spouse to make up his or her mind.
Number 2 Mistake - Trying to Get An Internet Law Degree for Your Divorce.
There's a reason it takes three years of intense study, thousands of dollars, and the ability to pass a really hard test to become a lawyer. Don't make the mistake of thinking you can do it yourself. Even if you have to get started on your own, using a form, take the time and spend the money to consult with an experienced family law attorney about what you put into the form, whether it's correct procedurally, and what you will need to do to get started on your own.
Number 3 Mistake - Confusing Bargain-hunting With Shopping.
You may find the right lawyer on the first try, but if you are uncomfortable, be sure to try a couple of others. But don't confuse bargain-hunting with shopping. You are looking for a lawyer with plenty of experience specifically in divorce and/or custody law or, if your state allows it, who has a specialty in Family Law or Domestic Relations. Quality service costs money. Have your resources in order so that you can get quality at a reasonable price.
Number 4 Mistake - Failing to Educate Yourself
Become a collector of facts and leave the law to the lawyers. Quietly begin to make copies of every paper you can find. Account statements, loan documents, real property documents, and the like. Keep the copies you make in a location not in your home or where your spouse can access them. If you do have to get a divorce, these simple actions can be a lifesaver.
Know everything you can about your finances and those of your spouse --- this means bank account numbers, where important papers are kept and what is kept there, what kind of assets you and your spouse own and what kind of assets he or she owns. If your spouse has voluntarily given you passwords to important online accounts, keep them in a safe place. Be sure your banks, lenders and other important contacts know who you are if you have joint accounts with your spouse.
Number 5 Mistake - Always Trust Your Gut
When a marriage ends, usually one person knows long before the other. For the person being left, the awareness of what is happening can sometimes come only slowly and gradually. Or some random comment or event will suddenly strike as odd or out of place. One way or the other, though, don't dismiss your intuition that something could be wrong. If it's too hard to figure out on your own, get help from a professional counselor with experience in couples counseling. Most professionals provide a service known as "exit counseling" to help people thinking about, or just becoming aware of the fact that a divorce is looming.
